i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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