sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
