i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
