so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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