My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Such a big mess for such a small penis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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