i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
