she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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