So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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