I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
