I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
