I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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