I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
