I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
