those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
