So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
