Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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