I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
