I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
