3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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