I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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