I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
