i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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