I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
