I puked a lego.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
