she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
