Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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