I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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