He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
