She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
