They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
