I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
