yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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