I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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