Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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