Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
