I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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