She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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