I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
not ubering you a puppy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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