it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
