matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
