just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
