She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she told me i tasted like america
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
