I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
