I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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