Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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