I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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