he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
