this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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