I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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