1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
