I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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